Destination Nowhere
by Gavinna
Summary: A monologue I wrote for school through the eyes of Buffy on her relationship with Angel in a deeper view.


Destination Nowhere  
by April Diaz

(A monologue of Buffy Summers. I again do not own the characters but I still play. As if it were through her eyes. She shall show you how cry out to see, feel, touch, taste, hear, and sin. A battle of love through the thought of the soul. An ache never fulfilled.Let's just say this is the "seductive" part of Buffy that only her soul knows, with all its yerning and more. After the first part there is next a part with all the blocking on it)

Somewhere in the distance there he stands keeping me safe alive and well. Away in the shadows, where the sun doesn't dare to shine. Far in the land of the winged sirens. A place so contradictory to that name... his name... a celestial breeze upon my tongue. Oh do not make me say. Not even to utter that name against these lips. For I may fall. Oh and how I already need. Let me not fall again God, do not let me fall! I love him! I love him! I love him...I've fallen. Havn't I?

Still he keeps me safe and warm in a place no one shall ever go, a destination nowhere. Not that I can not take care of myself. I am after all she who is in a way the mother of all mortals. A caretaker for all things innocent to a sense. The warrior for the right. I am the slayer. But he is that which slays my heart. Oh what tears I shall endure for his love. What gashes that may follow to wound a broken heart eternally. 

To love him is like broken glass. Love him once: seven, love him twice: seven more, thrice: more and more and more. I love him every minute. Shattered fragments, seven years more granted in agony, added to seven, added more. I love him to eternity's end, and eternity has no end, my suffering has no end. 

He is my end. He is my end in is arms, in that cold embrace. I laugh that I, woman who slays, takes death himself to my bed. Who the devil indeed. For he is devilish in his ways. His broad shoulders can carry the devil to his doom, he can carry me to mine. But not as his eyes can carry my soul to twist the phantoms of my desire, and turn them to flesh. 

I run to his arms when no one looks, when my need grows great, when he fells this pain. Shall I follow into the shadow of death to let each moment of passion bring pain tenfold? To give a single glance and play him with my eyes, and risk...And yet I dare go. I dare when chance lets me. But we linger. We play. We tiptoe like swans under the starlight, 'tween sleeping panthers starved from the midnight drought. 

Forever the sun am I, forever the moon is he. Always in the lover's dance and yet never to meet. Only in the land of dreams. And always waiting for a moment of one small eclipse, where another dance begins. Dance the danger for me, dance my fill, dance to die, dance to thrill! Sin it is to love him. Oh yes sweet sin...Sex is evil, evil is sin, sin is forgiven, so let it begin... please let it begin... once again! Begin! Calloused hands to soft silk palms, and liquid tongues sway to hard breath lungs, drums within to start the call, hard to round I surrender all! But then I shall only desire till that one sweet day. Till then...

...only in our dreams.

...even if the cost is forever.

Eternally mine, though our paths may grow wide and no longer parallel to pass. Though perhaps in one sweet time we shall meet again. But then again I think... I do not live as long as you do...

And always we shall end in a destination nowhere...

*******

Version 2 (with April's dramatic blocking in red)

(Begin seated atop a large block to give a looking out distance to right, facing left, hands supporting leaning back behind me to sides. straight out near to staring with a smile.)Somewhere in the distance there he stands keeping me safe alive and well. Away in (begin to shift legs) the shadows, where the sun doesn't dare to shine.( bring up to chest hug legs closely)Far in the land of the winged sirens.(be slightly amused with the name "City of Angels")A place so contradictory to (suddenly feel uneasily sad and choke on the two words) that name... (near to a whisper but still speaking head glances down and lift head up slowly starting with eyes [looking]and then the rest of head) his name... a celestial breeze (touch a hand to lips)upon my tongue. (pleading feeling and lean to a position on right side, then crawl to knees as if to beg to the powers that be) Oh do not make me say. (hold out right hand in protest with one hand to heart) Not even to utter that name against these lips, for I may fall!(quickly hit palms lightly down face in front of knees) Oh and how I already need.(clutch folded hands to chest bending over with shoulders to look sincere in prayer) Let me not fall again God, do not let me fall. (grow louder with each "i love him")I love him! I love him! I love him...(become silent and lift body to seated position still on knees, fall back with hands behind)I've fallen. (stare out) Havn't I?

(hug myself and turn to audience)Still he keeps me safe and warm (start to sadly smile)in a place no one shall ever go, a (tilt head slightly to left and up in front)destination nowhere. (act proud and try to convince people lift up to stand on knees, arms out to them)Not that I can not take care of myself. (hand to heart reffering to self) I am after all she who is in a way the mother of all mortals. (get up on right knee)A caretaker (up on other knee and lift self up)for all things innocent to a sense. (stand proud arms out slightly as if in presentation and make small bow)The warrior for the right. ( lift head up high and stare with deathly eyes and a grin)I am the slayer. (then let the look of hazed love come over eyes and face)But he is that which slays my heart. (shake head lightly yearning)Oh what tears I shall endure for his love. What gashes that may (hand creeps slithering to heart)follow to wound a broken heart ( clutch hand before gets to heart place and let the fist set down)eternally. 

(head down right foot sweep from left to right in semi circle, head up)To love him is like broken glass. (walk in a circle)(step once)Love him once:(look to crowd) seven, (another step) love himtwice: (look to crowd)seven more, (turn back to face audience with one more step)thrice: (shake head in pity almost convince them of "more") more and more and more. (hands to fists near to front)I love him every minute. (remember to look back and forth at all audience, turning only the head)Shattered fragments, (left side)seven years more granted in agony, (near to front of audience)added to seven, added more. (a little more to right)I love him to eternity's end, (at the right side)and eternity has no end, my suffering has no end. 

(look ahead)He is my end. (lift arms up in front)He is my end in is arms, (touch arms faintly in rounded position and lift arms out slow)in that cold embrace. (bring arms slowly down smirking almost)I laugh that I, woman who slays, takes death himself to my bed. Who the devil indeed. (look sinister as a seductress)For he is devilish in his ways. (bite bottom lip) His broad shoulders can carry the devil to his doom,(throw head in a bit of a frenzy) he can carry me to mine. (tilt head to right side licking lips and arms crossed to slow and move down hovering over my chest)But not as his eyes can carry my soul to (turn in a near snake/belly dancer twist)twist the phantoms of my (strech)desire, (bring arms down slow keeping close to my sides and lay against my hips)and turn them to flesh. 

(look straight head down lifting head slow)I run to his arms when no one looks, (arms coming back up)when my need grows great, when he fells this pain.(cover my stomach with my palms as if scared) Shall I follow into the shadow of death to let each moment of passion bring pain tenfold? (dazed head to one side)To give a single glance and play him with my eyes, and risk...And yet I dare go. I dare when chance lets me. (go against the back wall )But we linger. ( wave hips side to side)We play. (tiptoe lightly in a circle)We tiptoe like swans under the starlight, 'tween sleeping panthers starved from the midnight drought. 

(walk in circle hand up to sun)Forever the sun am I, (other hand up to moon)forever the moon is he. Always in the lover's dance and yet never to meet. (stop at front)Only in the land of dreams. And always waiting for a moment of one small eclipse, where another dance begins. (seem snake like with the eyes, coy, and tempting)Dance the danger for me, dance my fill, dance to die, dance to (emphasis)thrill! (slip back to wall again, hands against the wall )Sin it is to love him. (heavy breathing and slip down crawl foreward)Oh yes sweet sin...(one crawl foreward)Sex is evil, (another)evil is sin, (another)sin is forgiven, (slide body back to kneeling/ standing on knees, hands on lap)so let it begin... (throw head back)please let it begin... (ands slide up)once again! (arms to side and body arched back)Begin! (streach out right hand and let left handslide down it)Calloused hands to soft silk palms, and (fingers go over amrs and head to left)liquid tongues sway to hard breath lungs, (clutch cloth of shirt with hands almost ready to tear)drums within to start the call, (right finger strokes lips and down exposed throat and both hands go down body across legs and in front)hard to round I surrender all! (slowly streach hands out more and lay on the floor hanging of side)But then I shall only desire till that one sweet day. Till then...

...only in our dreams.(arms cross under chest)

...even if the cost is forever.(lean head sadly on arms)(pause)

Eternally mine, (slide up)though our paths may grow wide (sit up and slide legs to dangle off the edge) and no longer parallel to pass. (left leg goes up on platform)Though perhaps in one sweet time (next leg slide up and to the side) we shall meet again. (cross arms over to hug legs)But then (hang head low)again I think... I do not live as long as you do...

(resume beginning position, first hands, then head)And always we shall end in a destination nowhere...

{Home}

Author's Note: So what do you think? R&r please ^^ Thankies!


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